honey bunches of taint.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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