im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
