I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The uberlube is also flammable
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
