dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
