I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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