and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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