mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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