I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
