i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
