Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
