And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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