Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
