On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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