I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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