I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize