things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
