Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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