I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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