so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
