so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize