I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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