I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
