If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
