Can i not drive my cunt home
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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