I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
