I think I am morally bankrupt
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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