She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
