Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
