I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize