pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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