she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
