The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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