Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
