How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
