i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
