how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
