Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
