I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
