i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
