I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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