when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
