gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
