He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
