you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
