508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
then he tried to convert me to islam
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
