dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
