i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
