First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
