He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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