dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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