It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this boner is exhausting
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize