New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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