roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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