This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
