What a fucking waste of an outfit
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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