I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
