I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
