my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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