i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
