dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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