a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
