I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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