It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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