you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
